What did I learn on the Box to Believe retreat?



So the first Box to Believe retreat is done and dusted.  Waved goodbye to my ladies now a bit of time for me to reflect

At the end of the programme I asked my ladies to answer a few questions on what they’d learned about themselves.

Here’s a bit about what I learned about me

I arrived a few weeks ago with the same fears and apprehension as the other ladies did. This was a complete new experience for me. Although I am a confident as a boxing coach and trainer I am a relatively new at transformation coaching. I know how powerful it is from my own experience. After all, I had my own life transformed in the space on 10 days by my mentor and guru Dax Moy, but could I do this?

Could I really help these women change their lives and not just their bodies?

I’m not ashamed to say that yes the thoughts of self doubt did kick in.

What if I couldn’t pull this off? Taking a group of women to a foreign country that I don’t speak the language and don’t really know that well.

What was I thinking?

What made me think I was ready for this? I haven’t even got my own shit sorted out.

Who I am to lead these women?

My big fear was that I would rivert to what I know and focus more on the boxing and fitness side of things. I knew my coaching strategies worked – but could I deliver them with enough power, with enough confidence to really help these women believe and see the changes I did?

I had to get myself out of threat first. I consulted with my corner. One of my modules is about having a team in your corner that you can go to for support. Feeling supported and connected helps me get out of my animal brain. My inner chimp needed a bit of reassurance!

And then I applied my own strategies. I started by asking myself how did I want to feel? – calm, confident, relaxed and happy. So I created an environment to remind myself of this, I wrote in all my wall. I wrote down how I wanted to show up to these women – as courage, kindness and inspiration. Every morning I reminded myself of this and I played my soundtrack that makes me feel this way. I thought about how I wanted them to feel? Most of these ladies are already overwhelmed – the most important thing was I did not add to that. I wanted them to have space to enjoy the experience. Space to feel safe to have fun and connect with themselves again.

And that’s where I’m 100% confident. That’s what I do best. I sometimes tell myself it’s a bit silly that having fun is so important to me. Here this demonstrated to me just how important it is – helping the ladies allow themselves space to do this completely took away any threat. Then we were free to do the deeper coaching work

And then the whole thing became much easier than I thought – because I started with creating that environment. It was so easy to live my values. I guess it should be, I designed this with me in mind. My passion came through easily in the coaching programme. I surprised myself at how much. The work that I’ve done on myself and the clarity I now have in who I want to be showed up. As each day went on I started to see changes in all of the ladies. As their confidence grew so did mine.

And yes there were moments of threat and a few chimps showing up. If you don’t know about my chimp analogy, that’s our mammal brain that’s seeking social acceptance and connection. Knowing my own chimp so well now I could see that part of these ladies just needed to feel loved and cared for. The old me would have made this about me – I would have run my stories about me not being a good enough coach. I had to dig deep and go back to my own values but I’m proud to say I avoided any threat for myself and coached my chimps back into their human brains….

So what did I learn?
I learned that this programme works and just how powerful it is. I learned that I am much more knowledgable and skilled that I give myself credit for. I learned just how deep my passion runs about helping women to feel strong and confident.

I saw 6 ladies (I include myself here) rerun home with a new outlook on life and a newfound confidence and self belief. They have more clarity on who they are and the life they want to lead, they have better connection with themselves.   They have a new found team in their corner to turn to for support anytime they need it. They have strategies to manage their lives better and to find the courage to show up in the world as their real authentic selves

So my work is compete

But as I wave goodbye to the girls, one of my own negative behaviour traits starts to kick in

Giving myself permission to relax had always been a struggle for me. At the end of the programme instead of congratulating myself and allowing myself some space to relax and reflect – my old patterns started kicking in. I can hear some old friends, need, should and have to, again calling my name
‘I need to write up another version of this programme before I return’
‘I have to start planning the next retreat (I know – it’s crazy talk!)’
‘I should be checking in on my business back home’

So again back to my strategies. Check in on how I’m feeling
Stressed, anxious and overwhelmed. – there it is – the language of threat
Is this how I want to feel – hell no!

So I look to my defences. I interrupt the pattern by taking myself for a walk on the beach and put my music on to change the negative tone. Music that helps me feel calm and relaxed. I start to feel lighter. I have a word with myself and tell my inner chimp to chill the fuck out.

And before I know it I’m dancing. Yep, dancing by myself on the beach.

I’ve spent the last 10 days talking to my clients about freedom being the route to happiness

We get so caught up thinking we need more

When all we really need is freedom

And we can just be happy now

This is what happiness looks like for me

Dancing barefoot alone in the sunset :)


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